"Perhaps it is true that we do not really exist until there is someone there to see us existing; that we cannot properly speak until there is someone there who can understand what we are saying; that, in essence, we are not wholly alive until we are loved."
(Alain de Botton: On Love)
I found the quote from this lovely blog
(Alain de Botton: On Love)
I found the quote from this lovely blog
I somewhat believe this quote.
I also would like to think that I can love myself and be my own person independent of outside love. Maybe I could broaden this idea of love to say the validating love from a family member, or friend, or roommate.
Isn't that how we come to find ourselves after all? By relying on others until we are able to stand alone?
Like as a child when you relied on your parents testimony until you came to know for yourself?
So sometimes we rely [maybe foolishly or even unwittingly] on the love others have for us until we are able to feel love for ourselves.
When I was a behavioral science major I learned a little about conflict and how you need to match conflict styles of the person you have a disagreement with to get them to hear your side.
It was strange to me at first to think we must be something different than ourselves if we want understanding to come out of this conflict.
I began to realize that matching a conflict style is not changing oneself, it's a way of coming or meeting partway, it's a search for a resolution.
I am convinced that we were meant to be put on this earth with other people. I know that we are meant not to be solitary creatures. I know this because we need these relationships to not only buoy us up through life, but to challenge us, to see what we're made of.
We need them all. From the dear friends you lean on when times are hard who show you that it's not always going to be like this and help you discover love for yourself and others once more; to the cranky customer who tires your patience and to your surprise after he leaves you find you kept your cool and that you were able to let go of that frustration.
Maybe we can take this quote as "we become what others see us as."
Or maybe we can take this quote as we need others to help us discover ourselves; to help us love ourselves and each other in order to become the Gods and Goddesses we truly have the potential to be.
1 comment:
Philosophically I probably would agree with Alain. If there were a person on an island and no one else, no one would know about their existence except for themselves - does this mean they do not exist? Probably. Unless you believe in G-d, and that changes everything.
However, there is also the fact that children love to be seen, they need validation, they need attention. I think to the same degree so do we. Going without human touch and love is sort of going without food. We need something. However, I, like you, wish to think of myself as a free spirit - capable of being on my own, but sometimes choose not to. ;)
I like your behavioural science paragraph (I so totally almost put that as B.S. so not what I was going for), and I completely agree - and its pretty awesome.
And with that quote we become what others see us as. What others see us as IS what we are to THEM. However, who we are to ourselves is completely different than how others see us. Mostly because we are human and demanding and degrading of ourselves more than anyone else as well as the fact that we know more about ourselves (most times) than anyone else and therefore we can give us more slack.
I guess you could say I agree with everything you said, however I was feeling the whole 'have a philosophical discussion' thing. Love you Mawn!
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